It’s been a while since I first read this article on the Critical Polyamorist blog, but even in the re-reading, it still means so much.
Routedness, Not Rootedness, in Geography and Desire
While a lot of the author’s experiences fall outside of my own, the continual thread of examining and re-examining through introspection was something that really stood out to me as aligning with my own values. When the author talked about questioning whether polyamory or monogamy was a better fit for them, it left me thinking about my own regular experiences with that questioning, especially recently with the intensity of my current romantic relationship. I don’t view this questioning as a bad thing, though I always return to the importance of polyamory in my own life. Rather, I think it’s an affirmation of the importance I place on recognizing the fluidity of connection, and that people, myself included, are allowed to and often do change in the way they relate to the world and each other.
Growth, to me, is the one sacred commandment. I strive each day to grow as a person. But I can only grow by examining and re-examining myself and my views to search out points that need further exploration, or contain problematic kernels.
All this is a longwinded way of saying that desire to question myself and my views is one I relate to and hold sacred, as the author, at least to me, appears to.
I also relate to her sense of wanderlust. As someone who traveled a lot early in my life, from traversing state borders to traversing country borders to traversing oceans and seas, I’ve never forgotten the sense of wonder new places grant me. It reminds me a bit of the high of childhood: where everything is magical and new, and therefore full of possibility. And, too, being exposed to different cultures, languages, and ways of thought allows me to analyze my own in ways I might not otherwise have thought of, leading, again, to growth.
But home is also important to me. I spent most of my life without a place that felt remotely safe or stable, and as a result, it’s only recently I’ve begun to learn what it is to feel home. As someone who has seen both sides of that coin, as someone who constantly thirsts for travel and growth, home is still sacred. Even as I seek experiences and places far from my own, I’ve learned it’s so much easier and more fulfilling to do so from the perspective of an additive experience than that of an escape.
To me, that is routedness. And, as with any aspect of my life, that sense of home is not forever tied to one place or person. Fluidity and change are my mantras, and I am not afraid of them, though I also do not seek to flit from one place or person to another with nary a thought. Rootedness, to me at least, is that dismissal of fluidity and the learning available through change. Routedness is the thoughtful openness to new experiences and ways of viewing the world.
Like the author of the article, I, too, find myself pursuing a variety of different projects at all times. And as each is mastered, I must set new goals within them or lose all interest. It is the pursuit of growth above the achievement of it that draws me.
This is reflected in my choice of connections. I have friends across political spectrums, generations, genders, cultures, and country lines. I thrive on the differing perspectives they bring to the table, even when I don’t agree.
Ultimately, then, this article resonates with me on a fundamental level, so I’ll conclude with this:
“Above all, grow.”
