Types of Polyamory

New episode of A Queer Was Here published!

“Types of Polyamory” discusses the meaning of polyamory, busts the “no jealousy” myth, and discusses eight common types of polyamory.

Find the articles mentioned in the episode below:

The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy

Relationship Anarchy Takes the Judgement Out of Love

Find the books mentioned in the episode below:

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

You Name Me Monster But My Scars Are From You

When you stare at me, you see a disease,
and you blame it for everything that makes me me;
All my quirks and flaws just a broken brain.
My successes erased: to you, I’m insane.

I remember the day that everything changed:
I mentioned a chemical lack in my brain.
You looked at me, then looked away.
That day I learned your true face.

I’m not broken or diseased. There is no cure needed for me.
I’m smart and creative; passionate and free.
The successes I build you’ll never meet.
It’s not in spite of my disorder. It’s because I’m me.

But here’s the truth, broken or whole:
The disgust in your eyes names you the fool.
Prejudiced and bigoted, you see only failure.
But mental illness can be a strength,

a fact you’ll never learn.
And let’s not forget it’s myself I most often hurt,
while you toss words like daggers
and leave me to bleed in the dirt.

You name me monster, but it’s you that should be feared.
My scars bear your brand even as you sneer.

I remember the day that everything changed:
I mentioned a chemical lack in my brain.
You looked at me, then looked away.
That day I learned your true face.

Call Me Gentleman

My little brother was the first to call me a gentleman, and my eyes lit up like electricity. I’d just discovered that I liked male pronouns, but I hadn’t yet realized what a powerful word gentleman could be. It’s more than just a word for a man. It’s praise.

My gender is still far from simple, but there’s something undoubtedly delightful about the combination of “gentle” and “man”. It implies that the typically underrated quality of gentleness in males is in fact something to aspire to, not mock. And the way it feels in the mouth as my tongue rolls out the word? It’s beautiful.

It has such exquisite meaning, too. It brings to mind holding open doors and pulling out chairs and taking the time to listen. I can’t say I’m a perfect listener, but these are things I desire to be.

Perhaps, after all, gentleman is simply an ideal that leaves us striving to better ourselves, and isn’t that why we are here? I want to be a gentleman in the fullest sense of the word: not just on Tuesdays, or with someone I love, but always.

Call me a gentleman only when I’ve earned it, but call me a gentleman.

New episode of A Queer Was Here published!

Sex vs. Gender vs. Gender Expression

New episode of A Queer Was Here published!

This episode of “A Queer Was Here” is on Sex vs. Gender vs. Gender Expression, and defines each of those terms and discusses the similarities and differences between them. It is followed by a poem on the topic discussed, and then a TED Talk recommendation on Ending Gender.

You can find the TED Talk I mentioned here: TEDxHouston: “Ending Gender” by Scott Turner Schofield.

Understanding Consent

New episode of A Queer Was Here published!

This episode of “A Queer Was Here” is on “Understanding Consent” and gives a simple definition of consent, followed by a detailed explanation of each part of the definition, and then a poem on the topic discussed. I also mention a spoken word poem on the topic by Guante and a video explaining consent through tea.

You can find the spoken word poem I mentioned here: “Consent at 10,000 Feet” by Guante

You can find the video “Tea and Consent” here: Tea and Consent

You can find the post I wrote on my website that inspired this episode here: Understanding Consent

When Beautiful Things Come Together With Time

Eli is coal. Built from a million memories and past experiences,
he is what happens when beautiful things come together with time.
Charcoal meets paper. The past and the present collide
and art is formed from their touch.

When you are lost in the darkness, call for him. His light will guide you home,
forming brilliance from broken moments and hope from scars.
Why coal was named darkness when it forms such gorgeous light
is something I will never understand.

Still he burns, moment to moment, creating art from shadows and blood.
His heart is fierce in its love to those lucky enough to receive it, and I
bow down to the resilience in its touch.

Maybe beauty and time
can be enough.